Keeping it Civil

On Love...

2008-02-24T19:41:00.004Z

Finally its done, the are we going to talk about it is over. Thanks Mum.

Anyway, after having a really bad tired week we went to see Sandi Thom yesterday, we were a bit underwhelmed at the thought in the end. Once we got there our spirits lifted, the Uniqueness of a gig on a boat moored in the harbour at Bristol was not lost on us. It was the first gig I have been to in absolutely ages. There was an older crowd there, mostly oldies in the balcony where we were and the regulation annoying gay man who didn't seem to be able to sway like a normal person, too much of a hip swagger me thinks (& no it wasn't me).

The warm up started and he was actually really good, a good husky voiced American who you could listen to for hours. Then Sandi arrived. It was odd, the warm up left for about 10 minutes, then she just wandered onto the stage. It was weird for the first few songs she was alone, a one woman band complete with guitar, harmonica, drum, symbol and tambourine. I loved it, it was a really lovely atmosphere, really cosy and intimate. After 5 or so songs her drummer and backing guitar/vocals arrive. Some of the upbeat songs and I have to say considering the tickets were relatively cheap it was really really good value and I left thinking that I want to see her again or at least hear some more of her new music, guess I will be buying the second album!

Anyway, it was a really lovely night and really nice to spend some proper time with Simon away from laptops, computers, xboxs and TV. Got me to thinking about a poem I wrote for Si before Christmas. Here it is....

Love is...

Love is boundless
Love is not caring what others think

Love is being there
Love is two people holding each other

Love is understanding
Love is wanting to be together forever

Love is passion
Love is forgiveness
Most of all love is unconditional

Quick Remedy

2008-02-04T19:10:00.003Z

Thankfully I have been able to change the honeymoon. Took 2 days mind. A good guide is call roughly 10 minutes before the call centre opens, then you can get into the queue, wasn't till the secnd day I realised this! Once I got through, it did take a bit of effort to convince the customer service department that although the saturday of my wedding was conveinent for them it was not conveint for me being that it was my wedding day.

They understood and changed the day and told me there was a charge of £x, I asked why I had to pay this and was told that the day I changed to was more expesive and I had to pay the difference. I explained that although I understood why if I'd've by choice changed my flight, this would be payable I did not understand why I had to pay this. I was again told that the holiday on that date was more expensive and that I had been offered an alternative. I replied calmly, the alternative may be wonderful for you, it is not for me, it is ON MY WEDDING DAY. Finally it clicked, lice a key had turned, a light turnd on, I couldn't make the new flight because I had other arrangements! After a lengthy chat with his supervisor, he explined that as a "good will gesture" they would change the holiday for us "Halleluja!"

On other news, Simon also managed to get his best person sorted out (a better choice I hope)

Still not spoken to mum...

Wedding Disaster Day...

2008-02-02T22:51:00.004Z

Well, it had to happen, it was all going swimmingly everything was sorted. Then last Friday, everything fell to the floor. OK, I'm probably hyping it up way to much but everything seemed to come to a complete stop. We had been running around trying to get things sorted out, but to no avail. The trip to Reading for me was to be one of overcoming my previous failures.

Unfortunately, it wasn't not.

Disaster One: I didn't manage to talk to my mum about anything wedding related.

Disaster Two: I arrived home, I found a letter from MyTravel/ThomasCook/Airtours (Whatever they are choosing to call themselves now) saying that they had had to change the flights for our honeymoon. They had moved it to day which they thought would be more convenient, a Saturday flight. However, to my surprise this was the same Saturday that we are getting married. No worries, they say that I can call them if this isn't OK and change. Great I think so I call them the next day but to no avail, not even a queueing system. Merely a message saying we are busy, call again later. So this goes on and on for about 20 calls. I eventually realise that this is no going to work and decide to call again on Monday.

Disaster Three: The Best Person. All is fine with me and my best person, which is fantastic, it is real relief that we are getting on and having a good laugh etc. Simon's on the other hand a change of heart and decided that it was not for him a shame really because I had actually started to accept him and think that he was worthy of the challenge. (Also a shame because we had changed the wedding date especially so that he could be a part of the day!)

All in all a disastrous weekend!

Wedding Day Blues

2008-01-04T23:30:00.000Z

There was a time when weddings were simple. All that was required was a broken condom and a shotgun. There was none of this fuss with wedding lists, or Evening Entertainment, or cake; just a night of unbridled passion followed by a life time of being bridled.

Our wedding was meant to be simple too. It was supposed to be about our feelings for each other, about promising to spend our lives together until we waste away together in a nursing home eyeing up the young carers.

Somehow, it got confused.

Because now it's about everyone else. It's become less of a fairy tale wedding and more like the Rocky horror Picture Show. Madness takes control.

Forget Love, our wedding is about seating arrangements and table decorations and dessert choices and photographers and accommodation and suits and best people and loans and family politics and scatterfetti and party poppers and invites and speeches and wine and transport and tiny chocolates...

And money, always about money.

At present, I'd be quite happy to forget about the wedding and skip to the honeymoon, just like I managed to forget being born. These things just aren’t major life events.

But over Christmas ,when I was lying in bed on my third consecutive night away from Dan, my thoughts were dancing round my mind like a raver in a army obstacle course. And I realised, slowly, that without Dan lying next to me, my bed was a void waiting to be filled. I missed him; I really missed him. It would be fair to say that was somewhat surprising. But I couldn't wait to be home again, hugging him, punching him and annoying him while he cooked dinner.

I am so enraptured by him, that if he asked, I would spend the rest of my life researching, designing and building a machine which could transcend the clouds, steal the stars from the sky, and grind them into a fine biological washing powder to make his laundry whiter than white.

He's worth the money. He's worth the stress. He's worth the rising feel of panic. Our wedding is, and always will be about us, the 2 of us, together for the rest of our lives, pinching each other when we get bored, fighting over the TV remote, and gazing 'thoughtfully' at the shirtless men on the beach until one of us loses our eyesight and has to 'eye up men' using Braille. I want my happily ever after, I want my pet dog, and my evening strolls, and my cold nights in bed spent stealing the duvet. And I want my Fiancée; I want my Dan, I want the one person who has managed to be more important to me than the Simpsons, whilst still managing to increase my latent homophobia on a daily basis.

I want my husband.

And if it costs me all the money in the world, a mental breakdown, and a wedding day styled after Nightmare on Elm Street, I'll do it. I'll do it for him.

Because promising to be together, forever (or until one of us gets really fat) will be the Happiest Day of My Life.

At least until the honeymoon...

Resolutions

2007-12-31T16:24:00.000Z

You'll note the missing words from the title. I don't believe in new years resolutions. I think of things that I want to do and try to do them as soon as possible.

For example, for a "I don't want to look fat in the wedding photos" we have both joined a cheap gym and are actually managing to go at least once or twice a week, if not 3 times which is a small miracle for me as I usually find an excuse to not go. But not that there isn't any more overtime at work it seems more likely that I will go. I've rediscovered my love of exercise and classes. I've started boxercise which is tough and makes me feel like I have had a proper work out.

Also, when I rejoined the company I decided that I would take out the dental plan, now I am actually getting my teeth sorted out, which although scary is totally necessary as they have started to really get in the way of me enjoying my life. So in 2 weeks time I am going to be sedated and have all of my bad teeth removed so that I can look after those that are in a better condition. I may seem calm about it, but actually I am really scared about it and that it will really hurt for ages afterwards.

Now for another resolution. This one might be classed as a new years resolution, but it is more of a life resolution. Keep in better touch with my friends, call them and try to be there when the phone rings etc. Make an effort to meet up and have a laugh. Simon is good, but I need other people around me too!

Happy Fake Xmas!

2007-12-22T22:06:00.001Z

Well, for some reason this Christmas seems to have been my busiest! Every Friday of December has been graced with a Christmas Pat of some sorts.

I've also thrown myself into going to the gym, battling the Christmas gut before it even has a chance to develop. Punishing myself with boxercise and pump classes.

So much so that I wonder if I have been neglecting my friends by not being around as much as I used to. Part of me thinks that this is a bad thing, giving up my time in an effort to try to make myself feel better by going out with my friends in Bristol and not going home as much as I could. But all this train travel is expensive, so I went for one trip at the start of the month. Some people get missed out which is a shame because Christmas is all about being with the people you care about.

But anyway, back to fake christmas! Simon and I aren't spending Christmas together this year (we haven't ever!) So as has been tradition since we've been living together we celebrated a fake christmas. We swap our presents and have a lovely Christmas meal! And this year we had a lovely turkey meal and are tomorrow going for a bit of a purge at the gym and a boxing day(fake) stroll around the zoo.

How does this stag thing work...

2007-12-16T22:04:00.000Z

This thing was never going to be easy, I'm too much of a control freak I know. I love to feel that I am able to have an idea of whats going on. At the moment, it feels like there might not be a night of decadence.

And the question is, what do we want to do? There are so many things that are aimed at stags or hens, but not both. Which is a problem when you consider we will be a mixed crowd. We want to go somewhere that doesn't make us feel like we are freaks, intruding on other peoples fun. I think that it would help us if we went somewhere gay, if we are getting drunk, where we could just let ourselves go. I know there are many reasons for having separate nights out, but there is a good reason not to, we don't want to!

There is an adventurous part of me that quite likes the idea of going Ape or something similar with Zip wires and tree climbing, but would the people we want to invite want to go? Why do things have to get so complicated, it should be about us, not everyone else, but that is the selfish part of me talking of course it is about other people. There's Go-Karting and Paintball, but they really don't rock my boat. And of course there is the question of where do we go, which town, city or area? Also, I have a strange intolerance to alcohol so part of me wants it as early as possible, probably the end of May or something, but I know Simon thinks that that would be to early, why do I have to be so complicated.

And lastly, an apology to Simon, sorry for snapping and making you leave me alone, I just write better when I'm alone!

Father and Son Outing...

2007-09-16T08:00:00.000+01:00

To be honest, the title of this post is probably quite misleading. For those of you expecting an erotic father/son incest story stop reading now.

When I was a kid at school, I was picked on, I didn't like sport etc and apparently, although to this day I deny it, I said "Hello" to the new boy in a gay way I lost me some friends. From then on I was labeled "gay" by the cool kids, I can't have been more than 12 at the time and didn't even know what it meant. Luckily, I had a really great group of friends that I hung out with at school went for tea at their houses etc, normal stuff you do as a kid.

I was a late developer, I don't think that my voice broke till I was 16 or so. I'm sure this didn't help as a high voice is a gay stereotype and I conformed by having not hit puberty! I had some friends that I used to hang out with and it was fun, we had a laugh listened to Steps and I was accepted for who I was, me. I wasn't labeled by them, I was friends with them and that was it they didn't expect anything from me that I wasn't willing to give. With all the friends in the world I couldn't prepare my self for what happened next. Once I had escaped School my life changed forever. The summer of my 16th Birthday was the toughest times that I've ever had.

My dad got ill, seriously ill, he died and I had to be strong, support my mum. It was a big change I'd gone from having 2 parents to rely on to being the only child in a single parent family. I put up a facade of being happy go lucky once I went to college, managed to pull it off most of the time however, I was quite a quiet person and quickly started skipping classes and heading to the river to contemplate things. I think that I grieved whilst at college and although it wasn't the most productive time that I have spent I feel that it helped me put things to rest within myself.

Anyway, back to the point. Even though my dad isn't here with me today he never once in my memory was racist, homophobic or intolerant.

Yesterday, for the first time since I was a kid, I suffered homophobic abuse. It was a lovely afternoon, warm sunshine and I had spent sometime with my boyfriend in town before walking home to get ready and go to a friends Birthday BBQ. We were walking through the park talking not looking particularly gay (ie neither of us mince, no tight jeans, not holding hands or snogging). The path separates, one side leads to lake where there is always a fisherman or two hoping for the big one, the other to our flat. Whilst we were walking to our house I hear this guy shout "Queer Boys" at us. It's a father sitting fishing with his son, obviously its cool to teach your kids to be intolerant, homophobic now? I let it pass, I was tired had a busy day at work doing overtime and just went on. Had I have been in a foul mood I am sure that I would have gone over and asked him what he said to see if he was as much of a prick as he made himself seem.

It wasn't over yet. We left the park and were a couple of minutes away from our home and group of drunk 15-17 years olds were walking, cycling and revving mopeds towards us and again we were yelled and jeered at for being "Queer Boys". The kid revving his moped had not intimidated me, he obviously wouldn't want to damage his precious ped. It was more the large group of mostly lads jeering and throwing cans of beer at us. Luckily, they did not turn and follow us, I was really scared and shaken that they might.

It ruined the rest of my day, I'd actually been looking forward to going out, but after that I just wanted to sit and be alone, scared that they might be waiting outside when we left. Normally, I'm not that scared, I'll hold my boyfriends hand in public just when it is so close to home it really knocks you.

Sorry KB

A well deserved break...

2007-09-09T15:30:00.000+01:00

Well, this week was a nice little holiday for us, we had arranged to hire a car. Unfortuntely, my lack of credit card made it impossible. So that ruined the first day of our holiday. Not to be deterred, Simon set about looking into the trip that I'd wanted to do by public transport whilst I wallowed in self pity. Having been asleep in bed in a desperate strop for quite a while I finally came around to the idea. We booked a B&B and looked forward to an early start. We went to the train station and got our tickets to Torquay.

On our first day we went for a walk around the beaches near our hotel and because for once the british weather was particularly good this was absolutely fantastic. We went to the victorian museum, Bygones, and to the Model Village which by night was spectacular with the models all lit up and we even got to do a 4D cinema experience alone which was fun even though, as per usual, I screamed like a girl during the scary parts!

For our first full day we went on a little trip to Teignmouth to play pitch and putt after a slightly tense 45 minute walk from the train station to the Golf Course (which turned out to be 18 holes, not the 9 that it had said online!). We settled in for our game which lasted a couple of hours, needless to say, we were quite slow and no where near the 3 par of each hole (We tended to give up if we got up to 12 as it got a bit tedious), we think I won, but aren't to sure. So then we went for a short ferry ride and played adventure golf, alot more sedate and shorter distance than the 2.5 miles we had travelled during pitch and putt. After a nail biting final hole I was beaten by Simon so we drew level on the golfing activities!

Our final full day was our nature day, we spent the morning at the Living Coast which is a zoo by the sea that only really has sea birds and seals. It was the most amazing place that I have been to for ages. Luckily, we arrived in time to see the penguins being fed and because all of the animals are free to roam then were among the crowd, I loved it. The second part of our nature trail took us to Paignton Zoo, which considering we have become member of Bristol Zoo wasn't that exciting. Sure it had Elephants & Giraffes but it was nothing special, a bit confusingly laid out and very tiring.

On the day we left we managed to fit in Kent's Cavern which is a lovely cave system right by the coast which is over 500,000 years old. Then we did a little bit of shopping and went home, completely knackered after all of the walking and hiking around!

For me the most suprising thing of all was that we spent the entire week together, but didn't have an arguement for the whole time. All I can say is that the holiday was well worth it and I had a fatastic time away with Simon and didn't miss work at all!

Wordless Wednesday

2007-08-06T20:27:00.000+01:00

Before we met our best people on Saturday Dan and I had dinner at Old Orleans, a restaurant which has paper table cloths and crayons on every table...
How could we refuse.The more artistic side is Dan's!

A Head So Full, It Might Explode!

2007-07-27T15:08:00.000+01:00

Wow, I've had a day off, my second this week. It is fab, I like spending time at home even if I do end up doing some cleaning and interior design! The house is starting to feel a bit tidier.

With that in mind, I decided to look at my wedding file, where I have all of the details of things we've looked at. The Venue and anything else that's important. We have a couple of holiday brochures for Florida, even though we will be booking online. I have started to get back into the wedding spirit. I've tried to organise an appointment with a photographer. All seems to be going great. And the excitement is back, I am so happy about that, it's a relief!

11 Months to go!

Have decided to send my save the date cards with my Christmas cards, that's at least 6 months before the wedding so should be more than enough time for people to be organised!

Our names on the list!

2007-07-13T21:50:00.000+01:00

Well, after giving our notice of our intent to marry we thought that we would check that we hadn't been diddled out of our money.

We weren't, our names are there for anyone sad enough to go to the register office to look at. The only concerning thing was that all of the gay couples, well the blokes anyway, we were the only two that were close in age. All of the others were 20 year old marrying 50 year old. Nothing against cross generation couples but to me the greatest thing about getting married is the fact we can grow old together. But to me people with that size difference in age one of them is going to be left alone in old age.

I actually look forward to us getting old together and only because I work in pensions being pensioners together and complaining to every company in the world because we have nothing better to do.

Another great thing about us being close in age, I'm not going to lie, I am the old one, but we like doing kids stuff not making play dough models, but running round theme parks like kids and generally having a proper laugh. Thank you baby :)

Our Outing

2007-07-11T21:58:00.000+01:00

Tomorrow we have to go the registry office, convince the Bristol council we’re both British and pay £60 to be publicly announced as wishing to wed.

Then for the next year people can come into the registry office, scan the list and lodge any lawful impediment against our union.

£60 seems a pretty steep charge to be named and shamed if you ask me…

But don’t ask me right now. I’m too busy learning my British History….

The Good News Issue!

2007-06-27T19:29:00.000+01:00

Well, this month has been busy and very tiring. I've thus far managed to do 37.5 hours over time and am planning to do another 6.5 so that I am up to 44 something of a magic amount for me!

In addition today I was called into a meeting room and told that I had gotten the job I applied for just under 2 months ago and that it will become effective from July 1st so I am over the moon! More money and most importantly, more money. Which is great as thought I was getting called in to be told off!

From now on I will be a Senior, an SPA or a Senior Pensions Administrator. Not bad for someone with a few a levels that were passes at a scrape and is only 25 is it really?

And it all adds up, it's that little bit more towards the wedding that really matters!

Past the point of no return

2007-06-21T09:49:00.000+01:00

The Registrar is booked. The venue confirmed.

The first wedding payment has come off of my card.

There's no going back now...

No matter how the relationship fares from here on, we're getting married damn it.

I have £300 non-returnable deposit on this thing....

One Year to go....

2007-06-21T06:00:00.000+01:00

It's strange to think that in one years time we will be getting married. We will be preparing to commit to each other for the rest of our lives. It's a big commitment.

Strangely though I don't fear it, I'm not even nervous about it. I think one of the reason is obviously that it is so far away. We have Christmas, Easter & Birthdays to go yet. But I think the main reason that I'm not worried is that I am absolutely in love. Simon is my best friend first and foremost. We talk about everything. Even stuff that I wouldn't talk to my family or close friends about. That's why I am looking forward to this whole getting married thing. The Wedding will be the first day of the rest of our lives. It may be extravagant but its once, one day that we will never repeat again so it should be as extravagant or reserved as we want.

Happy Happy Happy!

2007-06-20T19:35:00.000+01:00

I'm so very happy that we went to the market today. As part of my special diet, anything sweet is an absolute must & I was having a bad day at work so I needed chocolate and sweets and fizzy pop. So off we went to the market. We passed the flower stall and bearing in mind that it is the time of year that we are getting married next year we were on the look out.

I am really really glad that we did happen to pass the flowers, they had sunflowers! I love sunflowers and had wanted some at the wedding but had settled on gebura's instead as they to are of the same family and are similarly brightly coloured. Now I think it's been decided that we can have both!

Blimey, after this I think that may be I should take a change of career, I think my green fingers are calling out to me to do something different. Shame that my head is in the clouds with dreams of what I can do with the immense amount of money I plan to earn when I'm grown up. Shame that won't be before I retire, oh well!

Money Matters

2007-06-10T20:43:00.000+01:00

So it's been really quiet on the blog front. We've found some interesting ways to cut the cost of our wedding. Firstly we are going to make our own invites, we are going to have a BBQ instead of the traditional wedding breakfast and create our own flowers but still, it doesn't seem to be enough.

The latest is quite a revelation having been to a florist and being told that flowers for the tables would cost £15-£35 each! I was a bit worried. And it wasn't as if I could flirt with the cute gay florist, contrary to popular belief the florist was a lady and not an overly camp gay guy! We've found that we can buy vases and flowers for around £7 a table thus bringing the overall cost down by about half, which is good!

As for the getting money side of it I am unbelievably lucky for the first time that I've worked in the Bristol office that they are offering paid overtime. One thing is for sure, I'm not about to turn down this rare opportunity. I've decided that I will try to do as much overtime as I can possibly do. Since Wednesday I've managed to do 11 hours in 4 days I'm hoping to do 50 hours this month, but I think that 40 is more likely. But as a bonus, this could last until the end of summer so I could clock up a large part of the wedding budget, bonus! And if I ever get to know what’s happening with my promotion it could turn out to be a good summer!

Wedding Lull

2007-06-05T20:42:00.000+01:00

The inevitable has happened.

With everything planned out in our heads so neatly we now have nothing to do for the next year or so.

Our principle line of communication has been cut. Instead we're just sitting in our rooms playing round on Facebook instead....

It was a fun romance while it lasted, but it's good to see things are getting back to normal!

Weighing on my Mind.

2007-06-02T23:49:00.000+01:00

I need to slim for the wedding.

I’m not ‘fat’. In my second year of University, through a combination of depression and an excess of free time I lost a fair amount of weight, and I haven’t been ‘fat’ so to speak since then Generally speaking if you dress me in the right clothes I can look ok, chubby or ‘built’ perhaps, but not ‘fat.’

But my weight is always there on my mind. The word ‘fat’ haunts me, another reason why I don’t fit in, the thing kid's used against me in school, the thing that sets me apart when we go out clubbing… Every time I eat I either spend the time worrying about my weight or repress any thoughts about my body and shovel the food down as fast as possible.

And recently the weight has been pouring back on and it scares me. It scares me so much..

I don’t want to be fat. I want to have a normal healthy body. I want to feel confident in my skin. I don’t want my boyfriend to have to express concern that I’m ‘getting a bit podgier.’ I just want to be able to live a life where I can enjoy eating, without having to feel guilt afterwards, where I can exercise without panicking about my ‘disgusting body.’ Where I can lose weight at my own speed, and be happy with the results.

A few weeks ago my work started a sponsored weight loss. For the first few weeks I did really well, my face was thinner and I felt better and more confident in my body. Then it all went wrong, and we ate out nearly every night and the weight started to pile back on. I think I may have actually gained weight. I’ll end up stealing the charity’s money by the time the final weigh-in comes round.

It would be so nice, to just for once, relax when I was eating, knowing my body is beautiful, is perfect, and I can trust it to eat just what it needs, and to handle my food in the most efficient way.

There seems to be too much going on in my life to concentrate on my weight for long periods of time and yet nothing is going on at all. My weight is a reminder that people don’t always accept me the way I am. That I may not fit in. And I’m so afraid of losing the battle. I don’t want to be ugly, I don’t want to be a ‘bloater’. I want my boyfriend to look me, and to know he finds me attractive. And right now I don’t feel that. It’s not his fault, I feel ugly inside myself seeing how I’ve let myself go. And when I feel ugly, I eat.

I need to slim down for the wedding, but mostly I need to slim down for me. And at the moment I just seem to keep failing.

Just for fun!

2007-06-02T13:01:00.001+01:00

My Parent's Expectations

2007-06-01T23:10:00.000+01:00

My dad rang me up tonight and said,
"What's this I hear about you getting a Wedding loan?"

Thank's Dad. Make me worry even more about it...

The Budget

2007-05-31T10:43:00.000+01:00

So we've worked out an intial budget. I'm scared already.

Through out this whole thing I know I've been the accountant, the kill-joy, squashing Dan's dreams by saying 'We can't afford it!' or 'Can we get it cheaper!' but with the average wedding costing £15,000 I have on interest in making the happiest day of our lives the day I declare bankruptcy.

So we're looking at a budget of £6,000 not including the honeymoon ideas, which I'm sure Dan will tell you about later.

I just hope that my penny pinching isn't ruining the excitement of it all for Dan. To me it makes it more exciting, knowing that we can get an amazing day and still be able to feel well off when the cheques clear.

The First Wedding Arugment - UPDATE

2007-05-28T17:31:00.001+01:00

So I phoned the Hotel and moved the date to June.

It seems a let down after our May Wedding, and Dan's still getting over the disappointment. Plus it will mean our anniversary is right next door to our Mums' birthday each year, but at least my Best man should be able to make it.

The First Wedding Arugment

2007-05-27T15:23:00.000+01:00

We've had the first wedding argument.

We looked around a beautiful Venue today, just outside Town, with beautiful rooms, wonderful food, and best of all, a price on par with 'Asda's own.' So we reserved a date for May next year, stood around in the rain waiting for a cab, and then caught the rail-replacement bus back home.

it was about five minutes outside Bristol that Dan suddenly said, 'It's not going to be in the Middle of Simon's exams is it?'

Simon, my best man, who just happens to share my first name and will confuse Dan's family members no end come our Wedding, is studying at University, going into his second year in September. Panicking, I jumped to the phone, which was harder than it sounds - I was belted in a coach seat at the time, and texted him.

He texted back immediately. 'I don't know, they're about that time, and I had a Saturday exam this year.' It was the only thing we'd actually managed to plan so far, and we'd forgotten to check the guests of honour would be free!

I turned to Dan. 'We're going to have to change the date.'

We didn't speak the rest of the way home, trudging through the rain like shunned lovers in a Film Noir, It was all going wrong.

The argument didn't start till we got home.
'They don't have any other day's available in March,' Dan said
'So we try the month after!'
'It's my mum's birthday, I can't afford an anniversary, and that within two days of each other.'
'So lets try for a Sunday?'
'We can't do a Sunday, everyone will have to get home for work the next day.'
'Well I can't have a wedding where the Best Man might not turn up!'
'Then lets just do it in 2009 shall we?'
'Oh for Christ Sake, stop being so stupid.'

And then he went into strop mode and went to bed.

That was about 3pm.

He's still in there now. In a moment I'll go in, talk to wall while he ignores me and talk him round to a compromise.

I saw a TV show last week about weddings, where a stupid love-blinded groom allowed his spoilt Bride to scream, shout and strop her way through the wedding plans until she had everything her way.
I hated both of them, each weak in their own separate ways. But I'm beginning to realise we're not so different...

And we still have at least a year of this to go.

Armless fiancee shows off her Engagement Hat!

2007-05-26T07:07:00.000+01:00

I'm beginning to annoy myself.

The only thing I have to talk about at the moment is my Wedding. Everything reminds me of it.

You like champagne? We're having champagne at my wedding.
You've got no money? I'm spending all my money on my Wedding.
You were attacked by Lions? There's no lions at my Wedding!

The world is conspiring to keep it forefront in my mind.

For example, I have been listening to the Onion Radio News Podcast for months now, but only recently it seems to be having a barrage of wedding entries.

Like this

Armless fiancee Shows of her Engagement Hat
'Armless Fiancee Sarah Kelly is so proud of her new engagement hat that she can't help but show it off to strangers. At a restaurant, or out at the movies, this proud Bride-to-be feels compelled to bow low and give everyone a look at her Diamond encrusted bonnet.

Fiancee Jack Travers remembers the night he Proposed.

"So when I opened up the large hat box to show her what was inside, she was just completely overwhelmed and she would of, you know, squeezed me so tight I think, if she could have."

Kelly plans to add an Ostrich leather chin strap to her engagement hat, which often tilts to one side forcing her to straighten it against nearby walls or trees. '

An armless person with an engagement hat? That reminds me of my Wedding!

D.I.Y. - Do Invites Yourself

2007-05-24T19:06:00.000+01:00

Part of the wedding is meant to be the extravagance of it all, isn't it?

Well, we've decided that to get that perfect honeymoon to somewhere exotic and to not have to take out a mortgage we are going to have to aim a bit lower that the castle with the horse drawn carriages!

First things first, this is really a bit early for us to be thinking about the invites, but having looked on the net we are looking at upwards of £50-60 which to us is quite a lot of money on cards that people look at and will throw away.

We've decided to look into doing them ourselves. So I've been out and got some materials, some ribbon, some blank cards and some double sided tape.I'm going to have a fun night tonight, who knows, if it goes well I might start doing it as a business venture! I think we could do the invites for £25, for the lot!

Rings! - From Simon

2007-05-24T09:19:00.000+01:00

I'm tried about 18 times to get a nice picture of the ring and I can't do it without making it look like stainless steel.

It feels strange to have it on, more difficult to type for one thing, but also like it's suddenly real.

They didn't come in boxes and so we put them on in the shop. And then, because I whined, took them off and put them back on each other outside, forcing them over the knuckle while business men on their lunch break hurried past us.

I've never been overly happy with public displays of affection but exchanging engagement rings in Bristol City centre just felt strange and wrong.

But it's serious now. We're looking at venues, at invites, at rings, at suits, at honey moons, and, very worryingly, at Wedding Tv Shows.

By the time the date comes we're have had everything sorted out 6 months before hand.

I've begun to wonder what we'll occupy our time with when this is all over.

Rings!

2007-05-23T17:54:00.000+01:00

Well, it's taken some time, but we went and got our rings today. Good job we checked because even though they hadn't called to say they were in, tey were so we are now properly engaged. I was a bit stupid because i just picked mine up and put it on, which wasn't very romantic. I'm just going to have to find some way to make it up.

Anyway, here's a picture of my ring, I guess you may get a further post later if your lucky!

(Ps. My photo skills suck!)

Venues

2007-05-22T21:45:00.000+01:00

We found another venue 13 miles away from here, with a reasonable cost, and nice surroundings.

It came to our attention through a friend's recommendation which I've got a feeling will be the way we discover most of our wedding essentials.

It has 5 acres of ground, serves BBQ for the Wedding Breakfast and best off all, seems to actually have some weekends free next year.

So we booked our first venue viewing, for this Sunday. It seems more real now that we're going to look at places, like suddenly it's become serious.

I'm going to have to apply for a loan soon. That, I think, is going to be hardest part so far.

Everyone knows...

2007-05-22T18:00:00.000+01:00

So now everyone is aware of our impending nuptials, My mum, Simon's rents all the important people. It's actually quite nice that its all out in the open.

Now I can ask everyone for advice. It's not like we actually know what we are doing, but isn't that the way for every one?

We've got a viewing booked for the weekend and to be honest I really hope that we like it, that it is a reasonable price and that most of all, it has availability for when we want it to!

Now comes the hard part. For the next year or so we have to scrimp and save. Could we be heading back to the old days of only having Tesco Value beans?

Message of Love

2007-05-22T07:35:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I forget how much people are rooting for us, and how much we are loved. Then something like this comes through the letter box.

An engagement card from my Nan.

"To Simon and Dan,
Congratulations

We wish you all the very best of luck.

Never let the sun go down on your wrath, always be good friends and happiness will follow."

Engagement Cards

2007-05-21T09:29:00.001+01:00

It's nice to feel loved.

There's even one from my parents!

Left Wantage-ing

2007-05-17T18:25:00.000+01:00

We found the perfect Venue. And amazingly enough it’s my old University Hall!

Wantage Hall is where I spent my first year of Student Life, and not only does it have beautiful rooms and grounds, but it costs next to nothing to hire.

And best of all they serve a barbeque, with hamburgers and hot dogs, for your Wedding Breakfast!

With the hall only available for one month and us overly keen on getting a booking there we sent them a long e-mail begging for details. Turns out every Weekend in 2008 is already booked up.

And so it’s back to the drawing board and the arguments then…

Telling my Parents

2007-05-16T20:31:00.000+01:00

Generally speaking there are two types of POG (parents of gays) in the world.

Firstly, there are those who are wonderfully happy with their alternative offspring, tell all their friends about their child’s lover and hold pink parties twice a month. Secondly, there are those who cast their wayward children onto the street, write them out of their will, and burn effigies of them at their weekly Klu-Kluk-Klan meetings.

My parents however are disappointing. Being born again Christians they struggle to balance their godly tolerance with their own feelings, hopes and disappointments. As a result their responses taste like watered-down water.

In short, for a writer, they’re an infuriating lack of inspiration.

I told them about the engagement the other day. In fact, I actually made the effort to ring them up so they must have known something was wrong. And after talking about their Home Improvements and their Grandkids took a deep breath, stopped my knees from shaking and said, “Dan and I got Engaged.’

My mum went quiet for a moment, then said ‘congratulations.’ She no doubt wanted to start talking about the grandkids again, but I felt awkward and asked her to make dad ring me back when he could so I could tell him then hung up as fast as possible.

My dad said, 'oh right?' asked the details, then responded, 'well at least I know you’re with one guy rather than running around after all of them.'

For a moment I imagined myself in a Benny Hill video, chasing in fast motion after same hunky men who were, in turn, running away from me, over the hills into the distance.

Then he changed the subject and told me a joke about a plane crashing in an Irish cemetery.

Maybe they’re happy for me. I can’t really tell. I’m pretty sure they never thought the first kid to marry a man would be their youngest son, and it must be a shock to them to know that after 3 years I still haven’t grown out of this ‘gay phase.’

But like it or not, I do feel a little let down. It would have been so much more dramatic and sympathy inducing if they’d slammed the phone down on me, phoned their solicitor, and started sewing an effigy.

'Engaged' Rings

2007-05-15T19:08:00.000+01:00

Finally found the engagement rings we wanted only to find it would be two weeks before they arrive.
To me at least, it won't seem real until I have the ring on my finger.

Pre-marital Blitz

2007-05-14T21:36:00.000+01:00

The arguments have started.

First there was the confusion over the engagement rings. Where should we get them from? How much should we pay? What will they look like?

It took us 4 or 5 detailed studies of the same 3 stores before we finally found a ring we both liked, and when we finally went to buy it they didn’t have it in our size. So we wasted half a lifetime trying to find another one, had our fingers measured, discovered our actual sizes were different to what we first thought and that the new ring didn’t come in them, ran back to the first shop to order the first ring again only to discover it had since sold out.

I’ve always believed a wedding was a somewhat magical event that effortlessly arranged itself, and resulted in a wonderful time for one and all. So far just trying to find a symbol of our engagement is difficult enough.

On top of this, My Fiancée (^_^) follows a highly predictable pattern every time a new Idea comes into his head, such as getting married, owning a car, or becoming a porn star. For about 2 days he will be obsessed with the idea, researching it in great detail, then falling in love with the first thing he saw. For the next two weeks he will dream wildly, throwing imaginary money at the idea, talking about it 24/7 and wearing me out by bursting into my room every few minutes with a new idea. Then finally, after a certain incubating period, the idea begins to lose interest, his attention wanes, and I can step in with some more practical, affordable, and generally sane ideas.

Right now, I feel exhausted just being around him, trying to keep up with the barrage of information he throws at me every few minutes. I’ve been finding it hard to update this blog, hard to be funny, and even harder to resist hitting him round the face every now and then. I’m actually looking forward to him getting bored of me again and abandoning me to watch downloaded episodes of CSI all night so I can finally sit down, spend some time to myself and work out what I want from this wedding.

The average modern engagement lasts 15 months but at this rate I’ll have died of exhaustion before the year is out.

And I still won’t have found an engagement ring.

How it began

2007-05-14T09:25:00.000+01:00

As with most of our relationship it was largely to do with alcohol.

I first met My Boyfriend in a gay club. I’d always assumed I’d never meet a partner in that kind of place, imagining instead I would meet them at a Philosophy Club, Writers Circle, Amateur Drama Company or some other thing that I have never actually been to. Instead, I met him in the club toilets, where, in impetuous, imprudent inebriation, he refused to let me use the Water Fountain unless I kissed him.

Then he gave me his e-mail address, got more wasted, and ended up going home with someone else. He doesn’t remember that night.

The next time was at a party. He was the designated driver, completely sober, quiet, shy, boring. He remembers that night, I’m not entirely sure I do.

A few weeks later I was upstairs in a straight club dancing with some friends when they said, “Hey, there’s this guy downstairs who’s so camp! You’d hate it!” Of course, it was him! He got me drunk, and we ended up at the corner of the dance floor making out, causing a girl to scream as she walked past us. I’m not sure either of us really remembers that night.

And on Saturday night, we were back in the Gay Club, not the same one where we first met, but they are all replicas of each other in someway. As our friend was chatted up by the one straight man in the club, we sat on the couch, drank and talked about marriage. We’ve discussed it many times before, what we would do, how we would do it. And amongst sips we confessed our love for the millionth time. He brought me a rose. We hugged, we kissed, we danced badly to pop music, And we promised each other we would be together forever.

And both of us remembered.

Sunday morning we lay in bed recovering, holding each other, talking, being together, the two of us caught in the glow of the night before.

He kissed me, then got out of bed and knelt down beside it, next to where I was lying. His eyes, which were still half asleep, looked down into mine. His hair had suffered from a drunken slumber, last night’s style caught in a tangle of weakening gel. The floor was covered in smoky clothes, the stale smell of alcohol on our breaths. And it was the most beautiful moment of my life.